I don't know what to say.

That's pretty much why I haven't posted in so long. I kept hoping I'd have good news so I'd push it off, waiting for the good news to happen.

But I've mainly been getting bad news.

We had several more people in my family pass. One was a fun cousin who was a big fan of mine. He'd been having health problems of late so we weren't too surprised, but we didn't expect him to pass so fast. And it was too close to my sister's death.

So I didn't take it well.

And then I had a great aunt pass. In some other year, I doubt I would have been affected much. I barely knew her and would have been sad for her immediate family, but would have moved on easily enough.

But I just sobbed and sobbed.

My two closest friends then lost someone, each very dear to them. So I sobbed some more.

Then my drawing computer died. I guess it was feeling left out. And I basically gave up. I turned to other creative pursuits, writing stories that were overly light and fluffy. I desperately needed an outlet and those helped.

Yet, my love for NAV didn't cease. It kept calling to me.

So I bought a new drawing computer and tried to get back into drawing. I had a goal to post something on NAV's birthday. I even told some of you of that goal. I was excited to get back into the thick of things.

But then my dad found out he had cancer.

Yeah...

Needless to say, my creative psyche didn't take that too well. It was still bleeding from all the others. So I gave up again and turned to the fluffy stories instead. Creativity is how I process stuff and I desperately needed to process all the grief. And NAV and all its sadness and grief was too close to home now. I just couldn't handle it.

There is some good news, though. My dad has been declared cancer-free. We know it has a high chance of returning (that was how his sister died), but at least we get a reprieve.

And I'm trying to get back into drawing.

I can't offer anything solid. My creative psyche is unfortunately too fragile. I still cry whenever I try to draw. I'm rather embarrassed about that but you don't really know where grief will manifest and it apparently has decided the comic is one of its homes. I'm hoping more time will help, though. I've really appreciated everyone who has mentioned their struggle with grief and being unable to work on something they used to love for a long time. It's given me hope I can overcome this eventually.

In the meantime, I think I'll try to post something once a month on the first Tuesday (this update is going to count for February even if it's not the first Tuesday; just pretend it is). Something from one of the pages I'm working on (like the one above). Or maybe a simple drawing if I'm really struggling. I might miss some months, I'll be honest. Especially if more bad news shows up. But I'm going to try to not go radio silence again.

I do appreciate all the comments and emails, though. Yes, I get them all. The comments show up directly in my email, telling me I have a comment to moderate. I just didn't have the heart to log in and approve them. I did it today and found over one thousand spam comments waiting for me as well. Yuck.

Still, thanks for staying with me. I never expected to fall apart when I started this comic. But I guess we never really expect the hard times that are in front of us. At least I have a lot more empathy for everyone in the comic now. Their pain is a lot more real. Which is probably why it hurts so much to work on it.

But I'm going to keep trying.