I don't know what to say.

That's pretty much why I haven't posted in so long. I kept hoping I'd have good news so I'd push it off, waiting for the good news to happen.

But I've mainly been getting bad news.

We had several more people in my family pass. One was a fun cousin who was a big fan of mine. He'd been having health problems of late so we weren't too surprised, but we didn't expect him to pass so fast. And it was too close to my sister's death.

So I didn't take it well.

And then I had a great aunt pass. In some other year, I doubt I would have been affected much. I barely knew her and would have been sad for her immediate family, but would have moved on easily enough.

But I just sobbed and sobbed.

My two closest friends then lost someone, each very dear to them. So I sobbed some more.

Then my drawing computer died. I guess it was feeling left out. And I basically gave up. I turned to other creative pursuits, writing stories that were overly light and fluffy. I desperately needed an outlet and those helped.

Yet, my love for NAV didn't cease. It kept calling to me.

So I bought a new drawing computer and tried to get back into drawing. I had a goal to post something on NAV's birthday. I even told some of you of that goal. I was excited to get back into the thick of things.

But then my dad found out he had cancer.

Yeah...

Needless to say, my creative psyche didn't take that too well. It was still bleeding from all the others. So I gave up again and turned to the fluffy stories instead. Creativity is how I process stuff and I desperately needed to process all the grief. And NAV and all its sadness and grief was too close to home now. I just couldn't handle it.

There is some good news, though. My dad has been declared cancer-free. We know it has a high chance of returning (that was how his sister died), but at least we get a reprieve.

And I'm trying to get back into drawing.

I can't offer anything solid. My creative psyche is unfortunately too fragile. I still cry whenever I try to draw. I'm rather embarrassed about that but you don't really know where grief will manifest and it apparently has decided the comic is one of its homes. I'm hoping more time will help, though. I've really appreciated everyone who has mentioned their struggle with grief and being unable to work on something they used to love for a long time. It's given me hope I can overcome this eventually.

In the meantime, I think I'll try to post something once a month on the first Tuesday (this update is going to count for February even if it's not the first Tuesday; just pretend it is). Something from one of the pages I'm working on (like the one above). Or maybe a simple drawing if I'm really struggling. I might miss some months, I'll be honest. Especially if more bad news shows up. But I'm going to try to not go radio silence again.

I do appreciate all the comments and emails, though. Yes, I get them all. The comments show up directly in my email, telling me I have a comment to moderate. I just didn't have the heart to log in and approve them. I did it today and found over one thousand spam comments waiting for me as well. Yuck.

Still, thanks for staying with me. I never expected to fall apart when I started this comic. But I guess we never really expect the hard times that are in front of us. At least I have a lot more empathy for everyone in the comic now. Their pain is a lot more real. Which is probably why it hurts so much to work on it.

But I'm going to keep trying.

Eight months. That's how long it took to finally finish the last two hours I had left on the next page. Negative emotion and memories kept bombarding me whenever I looked at it, so I'd poke at it for a few minutes here and there before breaking down into tears and/or quickly moving to something else.

But I finally finished it.

I was worried the next page might take as long which is why I've been avoiding promising a return date. I'm still wary of giving a set date because I don't want to promise NAV will be back, only to end up giving up after a week or two. However, the next page hasn't been as hard. That surprised me. Until I realized I had worked on the prior page during the week where my sister's health slowly collapsed. And, like a smell that can transport you to a different time and place along with all the emotions associated with it, that page was doing the same for me about my sister's death.

But that page is now done. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I might be able to handle doing NAV after all.

However, I am woefully out of habit of working on it in time to finish a page in a week. And I'd like to have a small buffer just in case something in the story triggers something.

So, this isn't much of an update. You'll still have to wait. But I'm at least moving forward. Small steps, right?

I'm alive.

I crashed pretty hard, though. Still not all fixed up. I don't cry as much but when the wave of grief hits, it hurts. The holidays did not help, but at least they're now over.

I have loved all of your comments, your emails, and your stories. Some of you are dealing with--or have dealt with--big losses like me. And it makes me want to form a big group hug. Because this is not fun.

Been trying to draw. It's not going so well. Because I end up crying. My sister was a big supporter of my comic and, well, my thoughts aren't filled with happy ones as I draw. Which makes me seek happier activities instead.

Nor does it help that this story deals a lot with grief, pain, and mental trauma. I'm not really in a good headspace for all that...

But, I love my comic and I know if I don't set a deadline, I'll never get anything done.

So, I'm setting a loose goal to re-start the comic on March 1st. It's possible it will happen. It's possible it won't. I might even start earlier. Or I might not. But, at the very least, I can promise you'll get another update from me by March 1st.

Thank you all so much in the meantime. Best fans ever.

EDIT: Goal is extended to April 5th.

Been meaning to write something for a while, but all I do is cry.

So here is a pic.

If you're confused, see last page's edits to know why.

I love NAV. I'll be back. Just...not right now...sorry